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I have been friends for over two decades, a person who's overcome several hardships, and I respect her for that. Yet, she's repeatedly blindsided by others. Her husband ended their marriage, which came as a massive blow. Many of close acquaintances disappeared during that time, because they seemed focused solely on her husband. She was stunned by her deeply. She made more effort to be my friend, probably understood more clearly what friendship was.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, several of her friends have drifted apart and she isn't knowing the cause. Her previous job suddenly changed toward her, even though she was an excellent employee, she departed without knowing why things shifted.

Current Dynamics

Recently, we have each retired leading to more each other more, but I am finding my role in our friendship is to listen. I start discussion points and she changes them to what interests her. Regarding political views, she holds strong opinions. I try to recommend verifying facts and different perspectives.

She has been organizing a holiday to a country I've visited on several occasions and resided in previously. I attempted to share personal experiences, yet it was not welcomed. She essentially just desired validation of her plans. I recently returned from 30 days in that country she hopes to meet, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to be a friend that walks away abruptly, yet I doubt she will ever grasp the effect of her actions on how I feel about myself. Right now, I find myself in distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Potential Solutions

One option is to walk away, however, that approach is not often a smooth outcome that we desire. However, addressing it with the goal of resolution demands strength and openness from both people.

Professional advice indicates using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially is to state how things go during your discussions. This needs to be based on facts and basically an unbiased account. The second is to express how this leaves you feeling. Ideally, there's no argument on this point. What you feel are your feelings, naturally. Finally is to ask how you are both will alter the pattern between you."

Keep in mind your friend holds perspectives, meaning you must to remain ready to hear that. A helpful technique involves stating to the other person:

"Please share your thoughts and I'm going to not say anything for a set time."

It's remarkably impactful in fostering better communication.

Final Thoughts

Your friend may dismiss all you say, for those who cling to a “survival narrative”: they rely on a story of their life they're unable to let go of as it feels essential is tied to it and it represents they've known. It's tough when there seems no thoroughfare here, only cul-de-sacs. But she may at first react like this before reflecting your perspective. And should a resolution isn't found a resolution, it will give you peace knowing you were honest with her.