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This year represents a full decade since the word “disappearing” hit the common lexicon. At the time, the concept that someone could suddenly stop communication with a partner without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a partner has only become more perplexing – an commonly pointless endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by online slang.

Zoomers, a generation who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a concerted challenge on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their millennial forerunners could ever envision. And so their dating lexicon has grown longer and more deranged, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” testing the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive guide to the phrases Zoomers is using to navigate romance, intimacy and the quest of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the end of this glossary you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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A

Realness – For Zoomers, dating’s ideal is showing up as your real, raw self. You'll need it with that!

B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon connected to a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s reaction is inquisitive or disinterested. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while radiating mystery and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

C

Support test – This signifies choosing someone who helps you proactively. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people form a link while running errands, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do budget-friendly romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or split, dumping all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s young urban professional excess, it refers to couples who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Open communication – The opposite of acting aloof: utilizing communication, honesty and openness.

F

Indicators

• Warning signs – Behavioral traits suggesting a potential partner is not right. Examples include calling their exes unstable, subpar tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits confirm your choice to pursue a partner. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe niche, mostly benign idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately delaying climax so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A trend describing many women’s increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An archetype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and frequently trivial turnoffs that immediately shut down any sense of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an incredibly romantic act.

J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be waning since some Zoomers prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy believable.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {